Defining forgiveness

I've already had a great comment suggesting that the question of forgiveness is largely determined by how we define forgiveness. I think that's exactly right. Before we can know whether we are to forgive conditionally or unconditionally, it's important to know what forgiveness is.

The online Oxford dictionary defines forgiveness this way:

forgive

verb (past forgave; past part. forgiven) 1 stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence or mistake. 2 excuse (an offence, flaw, or mistake).

Some things that forgiveness is:

  • Interpersonal - As Lewis Smedes said, there are many things that can hurt us - nature, circumstances, unjust systems - but we can only forgive people.
  • About our response - The definition above deals with our response to an offense, not to the offense itself. In other words, the question is not an objective evaluation of the offense. It is about how we choose to respond to that offense.

According to this definition, forgiveness isn't some things:

  • It's not understanding - We may be called to forgive some things we will never understand. We may also understand what has prompted some behavior, but not be ready to forgive. Forgiveness and understanding are two different things.
  • It's not downplaying the offense - Forgiveness does not mean that we minimize what has happened or downplay it. It doesn't mean avoiding the issue. You can forgive someone and still allow the authorities to deal with the offense, for instance, in a legal matter.
  • It's not forgetting - We will never forget some of the things we have to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean pushing something out of our minds; it means that we deal with our response in a certain way as we remember.
  • It's not the same as restoration or reconciliation - Forgiveness may lead to restoration. You can forgive someone for stealing money from you, for instance, but you may not choose to keep them as your accountant anymore. It also is not the same as reconciliation. Two friends may forgive each other, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they will continue as best friends.

My main beef with this definition is that it is feelings based: to "stop feeling angry or resentful..." Forgiveness may lead to a change of feelings, but it doesn't begin there.

Maybe Wikipedia's definition is better:

Forgiveness is the mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

We'll look at some Scripture in upcoming posts on the topic.

What do you think? How would you define forgiveness?

Has God killed your ministry yet?

This post is from the defunct blog "Dying Church"

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From The Crucifixion of Ministry by Andrew Purves:

The crucifixion of ministry is good news! My goal in this book is to offer a perspective on ministry and illustrate a practice that liberates ministers from the grind of feeling that "it's all up to me." I have two themes:

  1. Conceiving ministry as our ministry is the root problem of what ails us in ministry today.
  2. Ministry should be understood as sharing in the continuing ministry of Jesus Christ, for wherever Christ is, there is the church and her ministry.

The crucifixion of our ministries is good news: "We should expect that our ministries too should die, even be killed, that they may be raised with Christ."

Is forgiveness conditional?

The topic of forgiveness keeps coming up. Is forgiveness conditional? In other words, should we wait for someone to confess before we forgive them? Or should we forgiven another person even if they don't repent?

In the next few days I'll list some arguments on both sides, suggest a definition of forgiveness, and then try to argue for the position I think makes the most sense. Feedback welcome.

The downside of sponsoring children

From Lark News, a satirical site:

U.S. kids jealous of sponsored children

ANNAPOLIS — Hanging on the fridge in the Dillinger home are photographs of three sponsored children from Honduras, while photos of the "real" Dillinger children are consigned to the guest bedroom.

"That's how unfair it's gotten," says Herbert Dillinger, 15. "Everything's, 'Oh, look! We got another letter from Juana!'"

Herbert is among a growing number of American children feeling emotionally neglected as parents dote on sponsored children...

The Dillinger kids broke into open revolt when their parents PhotoShopped the sponsored children into the family Christmas card portrait. On Christmas morning, their mother set out framed photos of all seven sponsored children so it would be "like having the whole family here."

Herb boycotted the morning and threatened to "move into a shack in the back yard" to see if that re-captured his parents' attention. His sister Emily threatened to seek wealthy sponsor parents to help her buy an iPod and flip phone. She even created a profile sheet of herself, with a photograph.

Their parents dismissed the children's outbursts, then talked of inviting the sponsored children to the next family reunion.

"I hope the Hondurans make it," says Herb. "Then our relatives can see how crazy things have gotten around here."

Thanks to Brian for the link.