Secrecy (Matthew 6:1-4, 16-18)

Big Idea: Practice spiritual disciplines and do good deeds secretly for God's approval alone.

Tonight we deal with a temptation that comes to those who are progressing in holiness. Recently, we have discussed spiritual disciplines essential for becoming fully devoted to Jesus Christ. We've talked about some practices that are essential if we're going to grow: celebration, slowing, servanthood, confession. We're still going to talk about some others in coming weeks: Scripture, prayer, and fasting. Practicing these disciplines requires a key ingredient to make them effective.

Part of the problem is that we get glimpses of the beauty of perfect holiness. But right away a thought pops into our head: "Imagine how others would hold us in high esteem if we were like that." I like the words of Don Carson: we start out for the goal of pleasing the Father, but it's soon traded in for its pygmy cousin, the goal of pleasing men. We start off with the goal of genuine holiness, and end up settling for external piety. The irony is: the greater the demand for holiness, the greater the opportunity for hypocrisy. And that's why tonight's spiritual discipline is so crucial to our spiritual lives. Because we can end up doing the right things for all the wrong reasons.

The ancient Greeks called an actor who spoke through a mask, "The Hypocrite." The term is used for someone who pretends to be pious but isn’t truly sincere. You see this problem all through the Bible. But specifically in the passage I just read. Jesus teaches that we can perform acts of righteousness—such as giving, praying, and fasting—in front of others for recognition. The verb, to be noticed, is related to the term from which we get theatre. One can appear to be skilled in spiritual practices, impressing themselves and others, but not God.

John Calvin believed that hypocrisy should be avoided in all virtues because even the best actions can be tainted by it. In other words, hypocrisy can ruin even the greatest virtue. It's interesting that the words from Jesus we read tonight in the Sermon on the Mount follow his statement, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). Right after commanding us to be perfect, Jesus tells us not to try to impress others with our righteous deeds.

The Issue

This brings up the whole issue of impression management, which is living for other people's approval instead of God's approval. Jesus gives us some examples in giving, fasting, and praying. But isn't it true that we all give a lot of thought to what others think about us? A lot of people live in bondage to what others think of them. Call it what you will – "approval addiction" or "people-pleasing."

John Ortberg writes:

If we find ourselves often getting hurt by what others say about us, by people expressing other than glowing opinions about us, we probably have it. If we habitually compare ourselves with other people, if we find ourselves getting competitive in even the most ordinary situations, we probably have it. If we live with a nagging sense that we aren't important enough or special enough, or we get envious of another's success, we probably have it. If we are worried that someone might think ill of us should he or she find out we are an approval addict, we probably are.

Sociologists say we have a mental image of a group whose opinions we use to evaluate our success or failure. It's referred to as "the generalized other." According to Ortberg, the "generalized other" is made up of people like Siskels and Eberts in our lives whose opinions matter to us emotionally. Our parents, peer group, neighbors, co-workers – we all evaluate ourselves based on what we think they think about us. Our identity becomes wrapped up in whether or not we think they think we're attractive, productive, and important. If being busy seems important to them, we act busy. If making money is important to others, then we make money. If knowing important people is the key, then we drop some important names.

This leads us to all sorts of negative consequences. A sense of failure – we never feel like we measure up. Comparison involves constantly measuring ourselves against others. Deception – shading the truth in order to make ourselves look more favorable. Resentment – resenting the people whose approval we seek. When we live for other people's approval, that's all we get. (Matthew 6:1) "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. If you live for the applause of other people, then that's all you'll get.

And the problem is, the applause of people is fickle and fleeting. It will never really satisfy the spiritual man or woman. If we live our lives for the applause of others, we're setting ourselves up for a lifetime of disappointment. It's a little like our jobs – if we work for Metro, we're not going to get paid by Loblaws. And if we work for the approval of people, don't think the pay – the approval – is going to come from God. Jesus said, "You will have no reward from your Father in heaven." Ultimately, what truly matters in life is pleasing God and earning his approval. And the audience of One.

Other Scriptures

Just to show that I'm not making this up, let's look at some other passages that talk about this.

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. (1 Corinthians 4:2-4)

Eugene Peterson translates this: "It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless."

For Paul, the opinion of others didn't matter. He didn't even care about his own opinion of himself. What mattered was his acceptance from a higher court: "It is the Lord who judges me." Imagine being liberated from the need to impress anyone! Imagine our sense of esteem not resting on whether someone notices how smart, attractive, or successful we are. Paul writes to the Galatians: (Galatians 1:10) Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Whose approval are you seeking – others' or God's? Do you spend your life trying to please everyone, or do you simply live to please God?

There's another verse that is very disturbing: Speaking of those who wouldn't publicly confess their faith in Christ, John writes: "For they loved praise from men more than praise from God" (John 12:43). Driven by ego and pride, they prioritized others' approval and missed out on God's approval.

The Solution

How can we free ourselves from approval addiction? How can we stop being people-pleasers? How can we avoid the trap of becoming hypocrites – performing our righteous deeds simply for the applause of others? One of the answers, I believe, is what is called the spiritual discipline of secrecy. Secrecy means that we stop living for the fame, justification, and attention of others. It means we learn to embrace being unrecognized and find fulfillment in serving God without seeking appreciation from others. That we will be content to serve in obscurity – as long as God knows, we won't care. It means that we place our public relations department entirely in the hands of God. We let him decide when our deeds will be known and when our light will be noticed.

Secrecy doesn't get much attention as a spiritual discipline, but it's a crucial one to practice. Jesus spoke in Matthew 6 of doing good deeds and making sure no one finds out about them. He tells us that our good deeds should be so secret that we don't even congratulate ourselves on how well we're doing: "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing" (Matthew 6:3). Every once in a while, do something good and make sure that nobody notices. John Ortberg advises to resign from managing impressions. Stop trying to get other people to think well of you – don't even live for their approval. Practice spiritual disciplines quietly and humbly; avoid drawing attention to yourself.

It's a fact of life that acts done to impress cease to have value as spiritual disciplines. Prayers offered to impress others have no value in making you a more prayerful person. Gifts given so that you have your name publicly recognized don't actually make you a more generous person. Live simply for the approval of God, and not of others. One other thing: get your reward from God. A lot of us serve, hoping that the service will bring us some sort of reward. We help with tasks at church, hoping for recognition and thanks from others. It's nice to be thanked, but don't live for the applause of others. Be content, if God wills, to toil unnoticed and unappreciated by others, knowing that God notices, and he is the only one who really counts.

Three Applications

Jesus applies this in three specific areas:

• Giving — Don't give to create the impression that you are a generous person. Give generously – but you know what, let only God know how generously you're giving.
• Praying — Don't pray to other people – pray for God. When we bow our heads in prayer, we're not impressing other people – we're talking to God. I think Jesus would ask some of us how much we pray in secret, in private, without anyone knowing. He's not against all public prayer—Jesus prayed publicly too—but he questions whether your public prayers are meant to impress others.
• Fasting — In a few weeks, we will discuss this topic, but remember not to practice spiritual disciplines to impress others. Simply live to impress God.

Jesus tells us what happens when we practice the spiritual discipline of secrecy: "Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you" (Matthew 6:4).

As we conclude tonight's message, consider how you can quietly serve God or someone else without drawing attention. Maybe God is calling some of you to steadfastly refuse to blow your own horn this week. Refuse flat out to make yourself look good. Don't try to impress anyone – leave that job up to God. Maybe there's something you can do in secret that will help somebody out. Break into somebody's backyard and mow their lawn anonymously. Put some money in an envelope and secretly give it to someone in need without revealing your identity. Send an anonymous card to someone who needs a little encouragement. Sign up again to serve in that position where you never get acknowledged and nobody ever appreciates you.

And do things in private that make you a stronger Christian. Pray in private consistently this week. Make it something just between God and you. And God, who sees in secret, promises that he will reward you.