What my mother taught me

My Mother taught me LOGIC: “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me,” as well as, “If everyone else jumped off a cliff would you do it too?” My Mother taught me MEDICINE: “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.” My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD: “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!” My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE: “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you… Don’t talk back to me!” My Mother taught me HUMOR: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.” My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS: “You are just like your father!” My mother taught me about my ROOTS: “Do you think you were born in a barn?” My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE: “When you get to be my age, you will understand,” or, “I will explain it all when you get older.” My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: “Just wait until your father gets home.” My mother taught me about RECEIVING: “You are going to get it when I get you home.” My mother taught me RELIGION: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!” My mother taught me FORESIGHT: “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.” My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!” My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: “Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!” My mother taught me about STAMINA: “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.” My mother taught me about WEATHER: “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.” My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t Exaggerate!” My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: “Stop acting like your father!” My mother taught me about ENVY: “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!” And the all time favorite thing my mother taught me, JUSTICE: “One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you’ll see what it’s like! I can’t wait!” Thanks, Mom, for all the things you taught me!