Ministry and Marriage

Fifteen years ago, I worked hard in ministry. I would spend all of Sunday at church. On weekday mornings, I got up early, worked out, and spent the whole day at church. I often had evening meetings. The result is that I rarely saw my young children, except for Fridays and Saturdays, and had little time for my Charlene.

One day, Charlene showed up in my office. I told her I was busy and didn’t have much time for her.

Charlene’s hurt came out. It wasn’t pretty. I felt embarrassed because my staff overheard it. I told her not to talk to me in anger. Later, I told her to get counseling, and she did. I did too, eventually, but my attitude wasn’t great.

A short while later, a mentor advised me to stop paying so much attention to how Charlene expressed herself, and to start paying more attention to her hurt. As I did this, I began to understand the hurt that I’d caused her by neglecting her for ministry. Slowly, it led to a transformation in our marriage. Charlene learned to challenge me, and I learned to listen and invest time in our marriage.

I can’t imagine going back.

Three years ago, in the middle of the demands of planting, Charlene needed more of my time for a short while. This time I made myself available. When I felt guilty, I consulted with a mentor who told me this was one of my responsibilities. If I didn’t fulfill my duties as a husband, I had no business being in ministry.

Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church. I thought I was serving Christ by neglecting my wife. I’m thankful for Charlene’s patience and God’s grace, and the joy that I now have in making my marriage a priority, not just ministry.