On Making Friends Before You Need Them

I had a meeting yesterday. We had no agenda other than friendship. We have lots of reasons to meet. Our ministries are connected, but that’s not why we met. The primary reason we met is because he’s a friend.

We made the appointment a while ago and then it got moved. As often happens, the timing couldn’t have been better. I needed a friend today. He listened and encouraged me. He gave me needed perspective. He’s going to pray for me. It was time well spent.

Laura Vanderkam is right: people are a good use of time.

Making time for friends doesn’t come easily. We all have more work than we can manage. It’s tricky to find time for two or more busy people to make time to get together. But it’s essential, and I try to do it often.

The reason is because I need the friendships now. But that’s not the only reason.

When I was a new pastor, I faced a crisis. A deacon in the church — we didn’t have elders back then — had been acting funny. One day he came into a deacon’s meeting and blew up at me. He began yelling at me, standing just inches from my face. I thought he was going to punch me. After a few minutes, he stormed off.

I don’t remember much from that meeting. I can’t remember how it ended. I do know I felt bewildered. I didn’t know what to do.

So, I called a friend. The next day, he took me for a really nice lunch and listened to me. I don’t remember anything that he said, but I know he helped me get through what could have been a very difficult time in my ministry. I had a friend on call before I needed one.

We need friends, and the time to make them is now. You can’t be friends with everyone, but you need to be friends with someone. Choose your friends, and then prioritize them. Cultivate those friendships as if your life depends on it, because it probably does more than you think.

John Sutcliff (1752-1814) wrote:

Christian friendship is the sweetest of all connections. It is the very life and soul of every other. Souls joined together with this heavenly cement are eternally united. Such acquaintance and intercourse are begun here below, but are to ripen and be perfected in the heavenly world. There, distance of place or difference of sentiment will never interrupt the communion of saints.

“One of the great sources of spiritual strength is Christian friendship and fellowship,” writes Michael Haykin. If you’re going to last in Christian ministry or even in the Christian life, you’re going to need friends. Don’t wait until you need a friend, though. Make them before you need them. Even better, be a friend to others so that you’re ready to help them when they need it.

We’re all busy, but make time for friends before you need them.